I still have that feeling. The feeling that something is wrong – worse, that I did something wrong. And I’m about to be found out. Only I didn’t!
Okay, I’m behind on a couple bills for no good reason. Oh NO! The world will end. Or not.
I think it’s a combination of not knowing if I’ve got the job or not, knowing I’m totally unable to be effective at job hunting while I have Cameron at home, and the simple fact that I’m clearly going out of my tree here in toddlerland.
Cameron is my sweetheart, my sunshine, my whole lotta love in a little package, my Jellybean, my leaping lemur, my little bear, AND my little bunny. He is also a toddler. To quote Lightning McQueen, my IQ is dropping by the second. Then again, my creativity is also on the rise as I try to figure out how to explain to him not only that bread dough rises, but how and why. So far I’ve shown him the little bubbles and told him that yeast are little critters that blow bubbles. Our dough wasn’t rising fast enough because the yeast was too cold to blow bubbles.
I’m just going a wee bit bonkers here. Most days I get some adult interaction. But most days I get precious few minutes to myself. I most certainly do not feel like writing endless variations on “I’m wonderful, hire me” for cover letters when I have some alone time.
Okay. Here’s my decision, if I don’t get the job.
1) I contact the various local daycares, even Lori, and see if they can take Cameron part time. I’ll spend my tax refund on my sanity.
2) On days I have him, I’ll go to the Family Place. That way I should get at least a half hour to myself, with my computer in their coffee room to try to job hunt.
If I do get the job, then I’ve got that to look forward to. I’ll visit back home. I’ll fill our days here with fun activities and maybe see about part time care for Cameron so I get some time for me before I head back to work … and back to whining that I not only never get me time but that someone else is spending more time with Cameron than I am and I’m run ragged with the day to day routine.
So Melo … get with it. Stop whining. At least I’m not rushing off every day and can really watch Cameron during this fun and amazing time.