Science. It’s A Science.

Potty training is a science. It really is.

You have a question. How can I get this kid to stop crapping in his pants?

You pose that question as a hypothesis.

H1: Candy will give him the incentive to potty train.

H0: He’ll be in diapers in kindergarten.

You devise a test of that hypothesis. I’ll give him candy when and only when he pees or poops where that stuff should go. If H1 is true, the rate at which diapers move from bag to garbage should decrease.

You perform the experiment, and evaluate the results. If the results do not support H1, modify, go back, try again. Ad nauseum. Let’s try a sticker chart!

The sticker chart is seriously NOT working. It’s only distressing him. He wants wants wants those stickers. Sure, he loves pressing them onto the poster and chatting about what they are and what they mean. Then he rips them off. Then he cries because they’re ripped.

Latest modification is to forget the chart. He gets a sticker to play with however he wishes, for an appropriately deposited pee or poo.

New problem … he wants up to pee after going to bed. But a sticker on his hand? All night? What the hell, no sugar, no caffeine, and I don’t have to brush his teeth again. If I discretely remove it from his hand when he’s asleep I won’t lay awake fretting that he has a choking hazard in his bed. Because he’s so prone to putting the things in his mouth … not. I’m nuts. Really. I think I am.

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