Tomorrow is my Mama Renew meeting, this discussion group I’ve joined about adjusting to the role of a working mother. The idea is that we discuss a chapter of The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal a month, and work through the discussion points in it.
This month was all about self-care, and I thought I’d ‘take stock’ tonight. See where I stand, review the homework.
What do I need, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally to be the best person, mom, and partner I can be? I knew already that I need exercise, alone time, and mental challenges. I also already knew that the more I focus on happiness, on the small events that lead to happiness, the more I enjoy life. I haven’t kept posting here every night about them, but I think I should go back to it. I learned that taking ten minutes to do guided relaxation or meditation also helps to adjust my frame of mind. I don’t take the time to do that every night. For some reason after I write here and have read my favourite blogs, I then go to babycenter and muck away an hour or so … then it’s time for bed! Also I’ve found that having a lunch ready the night before makes a big difference. I know I’m saving money, and I also know it’s way healthier than anything I’d buy. But I’ve also learned that I don’t think I’m ready to be a partner. I feel like I’m missing something. That something is probably energy, plus trust and confidence. I’m still focused on caring for me and Cameron, on being me, mom, and employee. I’m not feeling up to also being a girlfriend. I don’t feel like I’ve got a lot to contribute to a relationship. Being in a relationship, a good one, is my ideal life … so that’s something to think about in the weeks and months to come.
What did I do this month to make my self-care a priority?
I joined a gym! Okay okay, I Just did that last week. I’ve gone twice. Once for a ‘power yoga’ class, and once to do weights. The yoga class … well, it wasn’t what I was looking for. The guy leading it was fine, no complaints, but he was more into the internal version of the power in yoga. Which is fine, and I think it is something that we in Western culture have lost touch with. But right at that moment I wanted a work out. I do similar mediation stuff at home on my own. At the very least I wished that he would help me with the poses, getting aligned right, helping me fix problems. Next time if I go I’ll ask him for that.
I started doing those guided meditations. There are only a few free ones online that I’ve found that don’t make me want to groan, “You’ve GOT to be KIDDING me,” at the narrator. And I’m getting a little tired of those few. Maybe it’s time to branch out and be a little more accepting.
Even when I didn’t post them here, I’ve taken the time to notice small happinesses in my life.
Me time is still a big one, and after a little tantrum of my own this Saturday I’m realizing even more that I need to figure out a way to get it. The issue was a broken mug – one I’d made. I’ve given away almost all the pottery that I made that I liked, and I’m glad I did. But … the broken mug reminded me that I can’t right now,nor in the near future, do a pottery class. It’s just not feasible. Not yet.
I’ve also identified that I need a clean house but need help with that. The good news is that Cameron is no longer freaked out by the vacuum. Which means that I can more easily get that chore done. But it would still be nice to find a way to have help every other week. Turns out that my neighbours pay just fifteen an hour for their lady to come in. My current plan is within the next month have a big-name type group come in for a cleaning, then see if I can find someone for a couple of hours every other week.
And of course I watch Cameron sleep for a few minutes every night before I go to sleep.
So big things for me to work on are finding alone time, me time, and determining what it is that I need in order to feel ready to be in a relationship again.
- The return of Breakfast downstairs! We used to do Sunday breakfasts – a potlock affair with the downstairs neighbours and a whole bunch of their friends. But since the main people who did it have moved away, it’s not been such a common thing. But Zulie was in town, and organized one. Yummy food, good people, old friends, and sunshine in the back yard.
- Dozing with Cameron in my bed for a nap.
- Cameron and I visited next door for hot tub fun (not too hot since the boys were in too) and supper. A whole lot of happiness there. Cameron blew bubbles! And he’s tall enough to stand in the middle of the tub now. He willingly laid on his back to kick, as long as Phillip’s or my shoulder was under his head. He ate all his supper, cucumbers and tomatoes included. The boys had a bath together too, and Cameron loved Samuel’s toys. Neat water-wheel and pump and tube type things – it’s time I think for me to get some of that stuff for Cameron!
- Sitting in bed, typing, cool air breezing (fan-assisted), and the sun almost down. Okay, I have to get up to go get laundry or Cameron won’t have dry clothes, and I need to make my lunch, but still. It’s nice.
- Lying on the trampoline gazing up at fluffy clouds and blue sky, while Cameron bounces around me laughing.