Happy thoughts. After a post like my last one, I probably should actively post them instead of just going over them to myself tonight.
- Lying snuggled up with Cameron in the dark of the livingroom, his head on my chest, his breathing slowing. We were listening to the rain outside – on the tree leaves, on the ground, the shhhhhhhh of cars driving past on the wet road. Sort of like the river visualization, I asked him to close his eyes and listen. I quietly mentioned that he’ll hear other things, but not to listen to them, just notice them and keep his ears up in the trees. I softly talked about the rain falling, falling, falling, about how drops land on the leaves, coating them, dripping down to other leaves, dripping down to cars and bushes below. Shhhhhhhhh.
- Made me laugh today – a company sent us a ‘reminder’ that we had an outstanding balance with them. A company we buy three hundred dollar items from. The amount outstanding? Almost thirty thousand bucks! I politely queried the company’s VP … who soon emailed back saying (and I’ll paraphrase here) “Oops, sorry. Dunno why we thought you owed us. That invoice was settled in December.” The invoice was for roughly three hundred. Honest mistake, or is he skimming from the company and writing phony unpaid invoices in the hopes we’re too disorganized/rich to question?
- I’m planning how I’ll spend my earned two days of overtime in two weeks. I’ve got the pager while my boss is on holiday. Day one: Cameron will go to daycare. I’ll get my hair cut and coloured maybe too, maybe go for acupuncture or a massage. Go shopping. Day two? Still deciding. Dreaming and anticipating makes me happy.
- Yummy supper. Leftover quinoa, locally grown zucchini from the Farmer’s Market, locally raised chicken cooked with onion, garlic, and mushroom ‘sauce’ (also known as cream of mushroom soup). Cameron even ate it and enjoyed it!
- Cameron stayed dry most of today. Apparently there was a post-nap in-pullup accident, and one accident at home.
- Skyping with Mom and Bill always makes me happy
- Chatting on the phone with Betty too!
- I just learned this one – my friend Tracey from BBC and our February First Time Mom’s Club is pregnant with twins (this I’ve known for a while), and she is having one of each, a boy and a girl! How exciting! I’ve totally lost touch with most of the FTMC … and I miss them.
In case anyone is concerned about my state of mind … It IS relatively safe here. It’s easy to fixate on fears – and to some degree natural. But for now, Cameron and I are very safe compared to most other places in this world. Cameron suddenly made the leap a while ago to comprehension that “dragon keeps him safe” means that there might be such a thing as a state of not-safe-ness and prompted fears of all manner of things. In a similar way, listening the news and focusing on the emotional state of victims reminds me of all the things that could go wrong and triggers my imagination. If I let it happen, my thoughts can go to very scary places. I think it’s good to be aware of such things, lest I get a little too complacent. The same as it’s good to read such books as “Hungry Planet” and get a feel for how others live their lives. To imagine what it would be like to try to feed your family on meager food rations coming into a refugee camp. But just as when I read that book I don’t feel desperate hunger pains (or for some of the families, obnoxiously full and hyped up on sugar and fat) … I shouldn’t let my heart focus too strongly on the pain of others’ lives. Just as I advised Cameron to listen to and be aware of other sounds than the rain on the leaves but then focus on the rain, hoping he wouldn’t let the sirens several blocks away ‘rule’ his attention, I am trying to re-learn how to be aware of and empathize with others, but not let their nightmarish experiences rule my life. Because that’s no way to live.