FUCKING HELL

Excuse my language.

I was all set to come here and write about how much better today was. Because it was. We had a pretty good day – playing in the sun, bouncing on the trampoline, snuggle nap time.

But it’s now TEN FUCKING THIRTY. He’s been screaming for an HOUR. I want to tear off my ears. I want to bang my head into the cupboards just to drown out the sound. He’s actually no longer screaming – I warned him that one more scream and I would shut his bedroom door. I can understand crying, I won’t squelch that, but screaming is a big no. But he’s sobbing. He’s so tired. He’s crying that he needs me. In his room. Right now. Now, Mommy, I need you in my room now.

I need him to be able to go to sleep on his own.

I had a list of tasks I wanted to accomplish this weekend. It’s a small portion of the grand list, the big one, the list of everything I think I should be doing – which needless to say isn’t even half written. I think I accomplished one item. We got the fish tank up and running. I also have a list of “need to do tonight” items – like make lunch for tomorrow, have a shower, make supper for tomorrow, wash dishes, sweep the floor … It keeps going. Unrealistic in length on a good night. I NEED a shower. I flat-out need to make my lunch or I’ll starve tomorrow, as it’s the first day of classes and campus will be a nightmare.

So which will cause me more stress? Going to bed and sleep the instant Cameron stops screaming, then zipping around frantically in the morning? Or staying up to finish at least tonight’s most desperate tasks?

~~~

OH MY GAWD he’d stopped. And now he’s awake again. GO TO SLEEEEEEP! GOTOSLEEP! GOTOSLEEP!

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