As I’ve said in my somewhat narrow-focus date-myself post, I do sort of miss being in a relationship but I’m not at a point right now where that’s reasonable. So that means that today, on Valentine’s Day, I wasn’t out there being all mushy with a boyfriend, or pining away watching couples holding hands and being sweet. Even when in a relationship, I find Valentine’s day to be a little on the contrived side. Flowers? I love’em. But please don’t spend the money on the inflated prices of bouquets for the 14th – wait a day. Or tell me you’ll give me flowers once a month for the rest of the year – it’d cost less I’m sure, and be sweeter! But anyway. Cards, I love. Dad and Janice sent me and Cameron each a card – Cameron’s had cut-out paper airplanes and stickers that has given him a week already of fun, and more to come as there’s still one left. Mom and Bill sent a package I have yet to open! Lolo gave Cameron a valentine. Cameron gave me a valentine he made at daycare, a white handprint cutout on red paper, surrounded by hearts. Even though it’s addressed to “Mom and Dad,” I’ll cherish it forever. Will have to mention to the new-ish daycare assistant that Dad isn’t in the picture.
Speaking of that …
Valentine’s day has a far greater significance for me than hearts and candy. As of this morning it has been two years since we heard a thing from A. I’m not sure if it was a planned date, or what. Frankly, I don’t care. I still freak out a little as the date approaches, as I worry that he might try to make contact again. Perhaps that’s what’s been behind my dark mood these last weeks; Christmas, then Cameron’s birthday, then the anniversary of the court date, and now Valentine’s day, four significant dates that might trigger his memory and desire to see his son. But another year has come and gone, and each year will make it less likely for him to try, and harder for him in the courts if it comes to that. I’m sad for Cameron’s sake in some ways, as it will be hard for him to understand as he grows older, but in the long run I do think it is for the best.
Carly gave me a wonderful gift for the day. I had looked after Lolo on Friday night, they spent the night here, and then today Carly looked after Cameron for me. I went to a movie, by myself. Perhaps I am dating myself, after all? Then a quick shopping blitz through the mall as I needed a new pair of jeans. Shopping without a little one is a very different experience!