Daycare Bullying Update

I bit the bullet and had the talk with Lori today after Cameron had bounced off to the playroom. It’s easier to chat on drop-off, as pick-up is usually chaotic and noisy.

As expected, it got me nowhere. It’s Cameron’s fault, he cries when they tease him and that makes it worse. All the kids say mean things to each other. They don’t really know what they’re saying. I loved how she says that she puts them in time out for being mean – even Ethan. Then she added that she can’t put them in time out for saying bad things because they scream and it draws attention to the bad things they said and makes the other kids say them too.

Yes, I do agree that kids are going to experiment with saying nasty things. They want to see what reaction they get. Yes, Cameron is a sensitive kid, and he doesn’t understand why he gets a time out at home for saying some things but other kids are allowed to say those things to  him – and yes he’ll have to deal with this. Yes, some of the responsibility is on me and Cameron, for Cameron to learn how to deal with being teased.

But some of it is on the daycare provider to step in and teach her own kid how to behave.

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7 responses to “Daycare Bullying Update

  1. “But some of it is on the daycare provider to step in and teach her own kid how to behave.”

    Absolutely.

    I hope the role playing will help.

    I was talking to some of the pre-school mommies, and it seems the hitting/bulling is quite common at this age, especially with little boys. It seems as though teaching them to say “NO! I DONT LIKE THAT!” or “NO HITTING” with hand out, palm flat, helps. It creates a physical space between the two children and it very clear, as well as drawing attention to the behaviour. Also, it empowers the child who is being hit.

    I hope this gets resolved and that Cameron is happy at daycare again.

    I’ll come early with Beth on Monday and do some discreet snooping!

  2. I’m sorry, it is not cameron’s fault for crying when he is teased. He does not like it, they need to understand and stop it. The kids will be kids is a bunch of bullshit. I don’t give a rats ass how much the kids scream and cry when they are put in Time Out, that is why they are put there. If it draws attention, Lori can say “X was being mean and has been put in time out, if you are mean you will be put in time out as well”. Consequences people consequences.

  3. Yes, but we also want Cameron to be able to stand up for himself. Not to be aggressive too, but assertive. To demand better treatment for himself, with the help and support of the adults around him.

    “Kid will be kids” is no excuse, I definitely agree. But this is something that Cameron is going to have to learn to handle. The sooner he can be empowered to stand up for himself, the less risk there is of him being bullied in future situations or becoming a bully himself (god forbid). Hopefully Lori will step in and model appropriate behaviour and punish inappropriate behaviour.

  4. Hi,
    This is the first time I’ve read your blog. I have a google alert set to bullying, and this came up. I’m following bullying because my son, a 5th grader, was bullied to the point we finally left a school he’d attended for 7 years. Emotionally, it felt like a death in the family.
    Now at a new school, our son seems like a new person. It has made a big difference in his life. I know you are anguished about what to do. We were too. Enduring verbal harassment is very hard on anyone, especially a child. They cannot leave the environment or the bully. They are stuck. And we found that most adults do not take it seriously. It is especially bad when no one will come to their aid — either an adult, or their peer group.
    Even if Cameron does the most “mature” thing you can imagine — ignore it — realize that to do this he must put mental, emotional and spiritual energy into that process. Is that how you want him spending his day?
    Since we were sending our son to a private school, we decided to move him, even though he was leaving all his friends, and his little sister would be leaving hers, and our family would be leaving its social group, because we wanted our son to get an education, not spend his time resisting bullying.
    Good luck. We have learned this is like being the target of a crime: You don’t ask for it, you are victimized, but you have to pick up the pieces, repair the damage and move on. Most people do not yet realize how damaging and harmful it is.
    I wish you and your son Cameron all the best in dealing with this, and I’m sorry your son has had to endure this.
    Margaret

  5. Your DC provider is full of crap. The adults have a responsibility to provide a safe environment and help the children learn how to behave appropriately. Not giving consequences for poor behaviour because the offender will be upset and fuss? Seriously? She’s teaching him that his behaviour is ok, and she’s teaching Cameron that he is in a place where no one is going to protect or stand up for him. Are we really supposed to just throw our kids in a room to fight it out on their own and it’s the survival of the meanest? No one is there to help him and all he can do is learn to take it or become mean back? I want to kick her ass for doing that to Cameron! He’s barely three, for crying out loud.
    Where does she draw the line? How bad does the picking on have to be for her to intervene?
    I’ve decided it IS worth the three hour commute – bring Cameron to me while you’re at work 🙂

  6. hey new girl- you make some good points.

    thanks for sharing. my daughter doesn’t have these issues (yet?) but i did when i was a kid and this whole thing has brought it up for me a lot, i was wanting some perspective.

    and this has made me realize that the first thing that was missing when i was a kid was a parent who listened.

    So, Mel: kudos for being awesome and a soft place for Cameron to land.

  7. I’m sick for Cameron too. But you know what you’re dealing with and she ain’t shaping up. I hope something better comes available for both of you soon!

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