It’s been a tough evening. What was meant to be a, “here is what I am doing to help with the situation, what do you think and has it helped,” discussion turned into an hour long vent on Lori’s part. She flipped back and forth rapidly between tearfully talking about how Ethan’s the one being bullied by Cameron and yet he’s always the one in time outs and doesn’t understand why and this is causing a rift between her and her son, and how horrible it is to have to deal with Cameron’s constant whining and crying. Oh, and Cameron lies, and he pushes too. All of this infront of Cameron, by the way, as there was nowhere else for him to go. I tried to keep away from even hinting at blaming Ethan, tried to focus on making both boys happy, and outright told her that I know Ethan is a good kid and this isn’t his fault, that I’m not trying to lay any blame, that I’m just trying to find a solution.
But at the same time I’m snarly-mad. How DARE she? I was bending over backwards, twisting myself into knots to NOT offend her and to show her that I was listening, to not contradict what she said. I only once asked her to keep in mind that all I heard about was Cameron being hit and being told he was hated, so of course I was upset. I asked her once to consider that if she doesn’t tell me there are problems, I can’t deal with them. She couldn’t even acknowledge that I had reason to be upset.
I have sent her a very nice email, clearly stating that I understand that she is having troubles with CAMERON’S behaviour. I stated that these are behaviours that I rarely see at home any more. I outlined 1-2-3 magic, using the situations she described and how I could see her handling them using this technique. I stated that Cameron knows this counting thing, and after a day or two max she’ll see an improvement, once he knows she’s serious. I also outlined three other courses of action that I can take – role playing at home, baking those cookies, and sending Cameron with two toys (one for Roselyn, one for Ethan, as he always wants to bring toys to share with Roselyn and I never let him).
We’ll see how it goes.
In the meantime, I’m sad, and I’m looking for another daycare. Not because Ethan is a bully, but because I cannot cope with having Cameron in a daycare where there is zero effective communication about the important things. I hate to phrase it this way, and I try to not treat Lori as ‘paid help’, but when push comes to shove I spend a hell of a lot of money on daycare. As I think it was Carly said, I pay her nearly half again as much as my rent costs. The least a daycare can do is treat my concerns as valid, not push them away and replace them with her own complaints.
(and yes, Lori is under financial stress right now, as the assistant she had December through the end of February was very expensive for her. Still, she shouldn’t take that out on me and Cameron!)
Okay. Happy thoughts.
Delicious suppers last night and tonight! Last night was pesto-lemon salmon and quinoa with spinach, red pepper, and onion. Tonight was squash soup, brown rice, and veggies.
I got another Big Task done at work, and part way through another.
From my window at work I see a lovely terraced courtyard with lots of greenery. On the top terrace, spring flowers are appearing, bright with blues and yellows.
Giggling hysterically in the livingroom with Cameron. I’d flopped onto my back, pulling him on top of me, then acted as though I couldn’t get up again. He squirmed off (once I let him), and lifted my head to help me! I overshot, and flopped forward, to be dragged around back onto my back by my arms … which of course pulled him on top again, and we started again! When he finally got me upright, he shouted with glee, “AGAIN, Mommy, again!”
Playing with Cameron at bath time. Too often I treat that as me-time, get him playing and head for the living room. But today, he was a fairly sad little guy, so I stayed and played. We roleplayed a little, tussles over toys between him and Ethan. But mostly it was just play.
Cameron had troubles settling to sleep tonight. I know that while I tried to not show how distressed I am about the discussion at daycare, some leaked out. He finally fell asleep holding my hand, and with my other on his chest.
Joanne. Judy commented that I’m showing maturity in how I’m dealing with daycare, and I honestly think that I have Joanne’s influence and advice to thank. She also didn’t hesitate to take the phone and listen to me rant about the daycare discussion today!
Tomorrow, Mom arrives! The place is a mess. Oh well. I know she loves me anyway!