Sick Again, Happiness Time

Ooohh, it’s a night for a happiness post. I have nothing at all to be unhappy about, and everything to be spinny-happy-blissful about, but I’m feeling rather spun around and dizzy, like I’m one of the orange maple leaves outside being tossed in the wind.  So I just need a happiness post to ground myself.

Most of what’s going on can be summed up with one phrase: hormones are not my friend. ‘nuff said.

The other part of it is asthma. Yay, it’s cold season, and I’m sick. This has me rather sulky, but also,  I’m sucking away on my puffer like it’s candy. Until I’m used to it again, Ventolin’s effect is a little distressing. I feel shaky, twitchy, weak, and a little dizzy. I feel like I did something positively horrendously awful and am just about to get caught. I feel like I’m walking through dense, dark jungle, and I know I’m being stalked by something with big teeth and razor-sharp claws. I know it’s going to pounce, but I don’t know when or from what direction. Lots of fun. Since this is so close to how I felt, constantly, when I was with A … well … there’s a wee part of my brain that’s not dealing so well. So on the one hand I have irrational freaking out going on … and on the other hand I’m aware of its nature and hey, I can walk up a flight of stairs without losing my breath.

Both of these things will pass. It just takes time. Not even a lot of time. A couple more days and I’ll be down to my normal levels of (in)sanity. So I’m taking lots of deep breaths.

And I’m remembering happinesses.

Flowers on my windowsill. It’s been a week, I think, and they’re still vibrant and cheerful.

Leif’s smile. Particularly when it’s directed at me. A whisper in my ear. A wink from across the room. An email in the middle of the day.

Moving. Okay, I treated a couple of friends to a bit of an irrational panic session this afternoon. But it’ll be a good thing. Really. Yes, the actual moving of stuff will be stressful, but then it’ll be over.

Watching Cameron make a huge multi-conceptual leap is wonderful and amazing. He drew a tiger and a lion for me. Okay, they look a little bit like daphnia, but he drew objects with legs and tails, and their identity remained constant. COOL! He made a long ‘slide’ out of lego blocks, with two supports … then adjusted the top to make a horse. That looked like a horse.  He found his Kumon letter-writing activity book, and said sadly, “I’m not very good at that stuff.” When I responded that of course he isn’t, he’s just learning how, that when I try new things I’m not very good at them either and that it takes time, he thought about it a minute. Then he picked up a pen and gave it a try. Then this morning on the bus he started picking words and telling me what letter they start with, with pretty decent accuracy. He’d get mixed up between starts with and ends with, but hey.

The wind on the walk home had a bite to it, and Cameron didn’t have his sweater on under his rain coat, or pants under his rain pants. The poor boy was freezing! So I zipped my jacket around him. Yes, his firefighter rain coat is adorable, but seeing him trot along beside me bundled up in my fleece was heartwarming. I froze, though.


One response to “Sick Again, Happiness Time

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